A Vessel 

Jun 11-18, 2007
Struck down by a dread disease, he lives on in the echoes of my soul and some distant memory, which I can’t quite clearly see.  He has become very luminous, his voice echoes from every corner and deep part of my mind.  He has transcended all….

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Jun 11-18, 2007
This week Father’s Day falls on Sun, June 17.  A time that we honor that sacred, but certainly feared office of fatherhood.  Honored traditionally because the father “brought home the bacon” and no doubt because also western civilization is heavy into patriarchialism.  Fathers also sadly left for war never to come back, leaving widows and their children to fend for themselves. 

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Fatherhood can be feared also because families are so scary, the weight of generational anxiety can be so great as to kill the spirit of any man.  So we generationally feel pity for the man in the family and set aside a day of gratitude for him.  The man also should get “equal time” for Mother’s Day anyway.  Society says, “Well….Dad, we may have disrespected you, made a mockery of you in popular media, and sought to removes you as much as possible from contact with your children; but congratulations, here’s a nice card from your grateful family.”

Okay I am a little tongue in cheek as I say this; after all, I am a father myself.  But I find it somehow hypocritical as I think of it how one day set-aside for fathers could possibly make up for 364 days of neglect.  When we honor people is it really because we dishonor them?  We set them up on a pedestal and hold them to a standard that no one could fulfill.  Do we do this to subtly insult them? 

We say, “I don’t know how you did it, Dad, but I could never do that. You’re my idol.”  Trouble with idols though is that they crack and fall apart, and then you have to go hunt for another.  An idol is all you think you could never attain to, and don’t want to so you keep them safe and separate from you.  Idolizing is an exercise in self-belittlement and you subtly project upon them your own sense of self-shame. 

I remember my idols from days gone by, writers and artists.  They never lived up to my luminous expectations.  I projected upon them my own unfulfilled ambitions and dreams.  I sought to live vicariously through them, but I only ended up disappointed.   I whiled away many an hour thinking about them, but it only limited me. 

I try not to dream anymore, only to BE what some dream in me dictates.  My life is unearthly and full of fantastical wonder, my thoughts become reality.  No one dares control my mind; my worst censor continues to be only myself.  This is what life has brought me to. 

My father left me when I was two.  Struck down by a dread disease, he lives on in the echoes of my soul and some distant memory, which I can’t quite clearly see.  He has become very luminous, his voice echoes from every corner and deep part of my mind.  He has transcended all boundaries.  Yet I know he has returned to wear another body.  I swear I could have seen him in the form of a lady at my brother’s wedding one time. 

I have become my own father; his distant past through the genetics of Europe, Scotland, and Norwegian ancestry will resound through me.  The voices of my past speak to me on their wavelength, almost unimpeded through my family line.  Yet that is only flesh and blood, a prescribing set of do’s and don’ts no longer have such credence to me.

What my father gave me is his genetics, his name, and a form to conceptualize him with.   The vessel is empty though, but in the void though there is a Nothingness that is Everythingness.  My father lives in me; I have subsumed him.  He is no longer separate, away, or distinct.  I AM my father. 

My son, now ten years old, lives it differently but in some ways still the same.  We are separated, but when we are together when I speak to him it is directly on his soul’s wavelength.  We have an understanding; it was forged on his birth on that sacred day.  I brought him into the world.  Of all the things I could give him, it will be that ineffable sense of truth and selfhood, which no words can easily convey.  He may be burdened by my imperfections, some moments though I know he’ll never forget. 

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Mon, Jun 11
Very interesting configuration between the Sun, Mars, and Saturn today.  The urge to move, to act, and put your stamp on the scene should be stimulated; but moderated judiciously and tempered by experience.  All in all producing smaller, more realistic and enduring accomplishments.  Undercurrents of frustration may be present though.  (Sun sextile Mars and Saturn, Mars trine Saturn)  

Tue, Jun 12
No peaking significant influences

Wed, Jun 13
Action and identity may become subtly blended with concepts that shift their meaning according to perspective.  What you feel and believe can be true to you, but only in you own little universe since you are a law unto yourself.  Selfhood remember though is only a convenient little illusion, your little universe is equally vapory.  So as you think, feel, and act today it would be best to let go of petty little constructs your mind has created over the years. They could dissolve right before your eyes, leaving you feeling somewhat naked and vulnerable to an intimidating greater universe.  (Sun and Mars sextile Neptune)

Thur, Jun 14, NEW MOON IN SIDEREAL GEMINI
The Moon loses all visibility and symbolically the mind loses concurrently all objective reality, “dying” to be reborn shortly.  New Moon’s can be periods of quietude and sometimes things don’t go so well, so it is best to rest and relax if possible, losing yourself in the greater “nothingness” if you will. 

Fri, Jun 15
On the heels of the yesterday’s new moon, Mercury once again makes a backwards side trip (what, again?).  Not to be of concern though retrogrades are pretty harmless.  But today Mercury goes absolutely stationary and becomes quite powerful.  Writers and speakers take note.  Retrogrades supposedly encourage reflection and review.  It is important to note though that any important business transactions or endeavors will have an “afflicted” Mercury locked into its chart; so traditionally new projects are avoided during Mercury retrograde periods.  Don’t’ buy a car or sign important documents if possible for the next 21 days.  Also today important relationship matters may need to be resolved today.  (Mercury stationary retrograde, Sun tridecile Juno)

Sat, Jun 16
No peaking significant influences

Sun, Jun 17, FATHER’S DAY
On this day we honor fathers, Mars will make an aspect to the Nodes sometime today (at least according to some measurements).  There could be a lot of impetuous get-togethers, heated interactions, and brash egotisms noising about.  Be careful about fires, sharp metal objects, and wagging tongues with not a little bit of venom.  Celebrate Father’s Day by wrestling with him!  Be careful with stresses to muscles and tendons though.  (Mars minor hard aspect to Nodes)

Mon, Jun 18
Harmony and affection should be strong today.  Important relationship matters may come up, including new ones!  (Sun semisquare Venus)

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